I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
