You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
