Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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