Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
