Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize