Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
