First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
