The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
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Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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