last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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