Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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