I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
