This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
