apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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