I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
