I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
