Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
