Who did Billy Mays play for?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Someone came in the potted fern
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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