Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
