i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
