This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think people are normalizing furries
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
