Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You left your underwear on the fireplace
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
