I think I died a long time ago.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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