Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize