i just wanna soil my oats bro
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
