im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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