he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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