I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
