You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
