so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
