I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
