Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I came so hard my ears popped.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
