Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
