It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
