final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
