I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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