walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
