Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize