I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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