I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
