He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
