You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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