Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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