He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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