Got a toothbrush?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day