Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
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Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??