what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
