I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did I show you my penis last night?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there