My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis