I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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