I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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