This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
