he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The air was thick with penises
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
