why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
is it fun? or sober?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
