why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
