soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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