having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
