Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You left your phone here
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