i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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