I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
