My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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