I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
