I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
