census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
