thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
