A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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