some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
