My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
