3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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