Will you blow on my dice?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
