Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
