I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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