The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
