Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
