I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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