My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
