i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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