i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
