I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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