Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
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Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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