So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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