and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
