I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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