So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
