i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
