I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
