dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
