Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
